Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
