I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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