at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
