i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
