i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
