Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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