I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
