I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
