whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
