Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
