I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
