Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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