nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
