is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize