I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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