So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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