Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
