Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
