winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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