Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
