Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
