Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
