This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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