We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My life is pants optional.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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