I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
