Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
