oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
