Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
