I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
