i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
