happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
