Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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