Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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