It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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