I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
