I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
