Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
