smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
