Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
whose ass print is on the piano?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Randomize
