you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
