i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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