i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i think i have two assholes
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
