bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
