you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
