that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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