Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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