And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
