Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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