I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
