So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
