Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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