How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
