Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
