You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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