Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
