I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's never too late to be topless.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
