We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Do you remember whose house we're in?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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