Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
