i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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