Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
