well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
