The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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