Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
is it fun? or sober?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
