i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
