mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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