I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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