Already got asked if we're dating
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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