honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
