im having a threesome with these popsicles
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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