I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You are the jesus of drinking
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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