I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize