My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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