I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
