I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize