I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
